12 October 2009

Sing me something soft, sad and delicate, or loud and out of key. Sing me anything.

I finally got my best of all bestfriends back. Needless to say, I'm very thankful for that. I was really turning  into a mess over it. And I have a fantastic girlfriend, I couldn't ask for more. Except for maybe my mom to be a little more considerate of my feelings. She really just decides to start yelling at me because of something entirely irrelevant to what she's yelling about. I then proceed to tell her she's getting off the point, and I get yelled at more. I'd really just like to get away from her. She wants me out of band, and out of chorus. She wants me put into intensive learning classes. She really just needs to get off of my back, because it's really her getting onto me so much that's causing this to happen. She just puts me in a bad mood and then I forget all about the homework I was going to attempt to do, and guess what? It doesn't get done, I get a zero for it, and she yells at me some more. It's a never ending cycle, because she won't admit that she's wrong to me. She's superior to me and therefore, she's always right. Right? WRONG. I don't need her to keep trying to be right, I'm not some foolish little child anymore. Not after going through what I've gone through in my lifetime. It's a good thing I'm not in an insane asylum, or arrested. Or anything like that, in fact. She should just be lucky that I've stayed away from things like that. It's really fine though, she's my mom, I have to live with her until I'm 18 because I don't honestly want to move to Virginia with my father. That'd be even worse than it is right now. I'd never get to see any of the people that I've worked so hard to keep close to me. That'd be the entire reason I would be miserable up there. 

If I still have anything to say in part to my own life, I'm not changing it from how it is. Yeah, I'll make decisions and things and they may not seem like the decision I would make. But I'd only do that if I knew the result would be a good one. I know I make mistakes though, and I expect that from myself. I won't be perfect, or anywhere near perfect either. I won't try, please don't try to make me. I'm who I want to be and that's the way it'll always be.

When I kiss you, I do feel as if the world's stopped, as a close friend described it to me. If I could just stay in that moment forever and embrace it for longer, I swear I would. For a while you've meant a lot to me. I know we haven't been together for a long time, but I've felt this way for a while. I know it was confusing, keeping up with my constant mind changes (which really weren't that constant but still) and that is one of those little things we were just talking about. You're a captivating girl, I can't get my mind off of you. I don't care that people make fun of us dating, who really cares? They aren't involved in this relationship, their opinion doesn't matter if they have a problem with it. The people that do matter, are the ones that support our relationship. It did take me a few days to make up my mind, and I'm very thankful I made this decision. You've already shown me you're a good person in general, and I love it. There are people who see relationships as ways to get certain 'privileges' that most people don't get while they're single. I'm not a sexual person, I don't care what you think if you think otherwise. I don't date just to get laid or get anything sexual from it. This will be a serious relationship, I plan on being together for a very long time. Even if it doesn't work out the way I plan it/want it, then we'll still at least be friends and that's all I can ask for. I want you in my life, as the most important girl in my life or at any level of importance that you want. You've caught me off guard, I didn't expect this to ever happen. But you can't always predict the future, and that I am thankful for. Thank you, once again Casey Jane Lussier. I hope you read this.


  1. James. I should be the most important girl in your life. :P
    Just kidding, I love you<3

  2. awe. <33

    james is so mushy. ;)
    just kidding.

    this is amazing, serisoly :)

  3. Too bad we look gay now because we have to dance in vae